Confessions from the Plus-sized department

Jan 23, 2009

Ok, is it just me? Or do plus-sized departments just plain suck? Why is it impossible to find anything nice that doesn't scream stripper (ummm yeah size 22 should NOT come in skimpy styles...) or only look like the little suits with jackets that my grandma would wear. I went to JCPenney and they have about 16 small racks for the plus sized, most in awful colors. Which is how I found my uniform of SJB t-shirts and jeans or capris depending on the season. Nothing says frumpy fat like your never ending supply of shapeless t-shirts and jeans....

I am a mommy of 2 and after each I put on weight. Honestly I hate my body so much that I avoid looking at it unless it is unavoidable. I remember thinking 145 on an athletic 5'9" frame was fat, but with spiraling PPD after each child I ate my way through the isolation and here I am...a HALF POUND from 250! I about croaked when I stepped on the scale.

Ok. A Little background for you here: I grew up in a rural area with an obese mom, and my dad was thin until he hit thirty and slowly put on the weight. The worse thing was that we didn't have to eat veggies...I was allowed to eat a box of rice-a-roni for every meal and my brother ate fruit rollups and mt. dew for breakfast. But I was relatively thin through school since I was obsessive about swimming, working out for 6 + hours most days so I could eat what I wanted. My mom made fun of me when I was bending over getting ready to dive into the pool that I had rolls of fat and it set me off...I stopped eating anything but some carbs to get me through practice...I would hide out during lunch so I wouldn't be tempted to eat. What was really going on was that I was setting myself up for horrible eating habits. More about that later.

So I feel like a second class citizen when I enter most places for clothes. Most of the clothes I don't care for, but my biggest issue is the disdain I feel from most of the skinny clerks. I hate the way I look. This isn't me, but sometimes I don't know how to change. Do I get to be the fat gross lady or skinny starving one. I never had the happy medium really. I hate my fat mom making fun of my size and always inquiring how big I am to judge if I finally surpassed her girth. No, mom, you still hold the prize.c

I just wanted to start off this diary chronicling my struggle to lose this weight and hopefully find some support from someone out there. My goal: is to drop ideally 100 pounds, but 80 would make me very happy. Most important goal is to run again. I want to do a tri and a marathon. I know I can do it, but it will take time and lots of support.

Oh yeah...support from doctors: Haven't gotten too much. I went and begged for help with a diet and I was told to check out the weight loss books in the book store, and another told me to stop shoving food down my throat.

My obstacles are that I am OCD and easily fall into depression and depression is the root of eating brownie batter.

I am currently at 249.5 pounds...I want to be under 164 for a normal BMI.

Goal to lose 85.5 pounds and gain strength and self confidence. Side benefits: show my girls to be PROUD of their bodies and eat right. Bonus: in our money crunch this has GOT to be good for the finances to buy less junk.

Comments

From: Anonymous.Poster
Date: 06/23/2009 - 05:09 pm

Hi! I'm blogging from Edmonton,Alberta (Canada) Ever hear of Penningtons for sizes 14 to 30.They have all sorts of beautiful colors and styles.They also have lots of sales! Yes, it can be expensive but if You contact them they will send You their sale days online.Also, if You spend $100 they will send You a gift certificate for $25 or $50 depending on what You spend. And for all You teens they have a special department called MXM that My two daughters just love!!! Cotton Jenny used to be good,but the colors and abundance of styles are not there to Me anymore....Giant Tiger is another option but You really need to understand how to dress your body shape,know Your colors,and be very selective when buying any of their clothes,but they are cheap can't say much about the quality...If anybody knows of other places pls let Me know and I will share with others...Oh! Yes, if Your looking for Lingerie some Penningtons stores have that too.Reitmans is another option and Additionelle but very expensive....But perfect for that "Special Occasion"

Yes, I hear You about unhealthy eating..Iwas a size14 when I was a teen,my two sisters were sizes 6 and 4. I was considered the fat one then.I would kill to be that size again! My two sisters sizes now,the one had three kids and She just recently is a size 14! How ironic! The other one with her first child she gained almost 100 lbs! How I don't know?!Then She had a second child 1 yr later and She is now 160 lbs!!!! And She was the smallest one of Us??!! Talk about Karma!!!! I had two girls my first I lost 25 lbs,my second I was 180 and after her birth I put on 25 more lbs! That didn't come off until She was 5.Now I weigh 215 and have recently lost 41 lbs and about 4 lbs now.I find it is a constant battle to be consistent!!! I am an Emotional Eater and find it hard to stick to a regular exercise program!!! That combined with soo many life changes,causing mild depression,wanting to just sleep,give up,because I have dealt with so many unhealthy problems in my life,that I beared mostly the burden for and never should have in the first place,,,But, I guess I chose those adverisities for a reason...And I am a much stronger person because of those Challenges and How I am choosing right now To deal with them and Let Them Go!!!! I feel now I can let go of 99.9% of My Past....Finally!!!! As For Healthy Relationships With Men/Women?Fam/Friends??!! Still Working and Learning Still ABOUT THAT ONE....

From: heagre
Date: 06/22/2009 - 01:38 pm

Can't we all relate to this?! I have steadily gained with each of my 5 kids---20 pounds per kids and boom...you have 100 lbs on you. I don't want to be skinny--just normal. I'm 260 lbs. I was 280 until I joined Weight Watchers a few years ago--since then I've moved and have to travel for meetings--with the price of gas to travel and the price of the membership, sadly WW is out of the question now. There has to be a way to accomplish this on my own. I struggle with feeling worthy of being liked and I hate to look at myself. I'm trying really hard to learn to like myself and eventually love myself, no matter what I weigh. I think if I liked myself more it would be easier to stick to this.

Clothing is an issue. I love to buy clothes--Cato is awesome! Lane Bryant is great, but pricey. Old Navy online has plus size clothing and I love the jeans. Sillouettes online, Fashion Bug Plus, OneStopPlus.com are all pretty good--you have to pick through the mumus on some of the website only stores, but they have some cute stuff.

Good luck to all of you.

From: Dragonlvr668
Date: 06/08/2009 - 01:26 pm

I wanted to let you know, I stopped going to department stores years ago. I visit Lane Bryant, Catos and Dress barn, they have a EXCELLENT selection of clothes. I too am a size 22, I weight 258, and that is after already losing 36lbs, since January. I joined curves and started eating 5 times a day, small meals. I stay at 1500 calories. I will be honest though, its tough! There are days when there is nothing but my determination keeping me going and I have to mentally MAKE myself STAY determined. The biggest blow to me was when my husband threw away my goal outfit. The few days after I found out were pretty bad for me, then I turned around and worked out harder! I really wanted to give up that day. I think the key to any weight loss is staying determined and not giving up. That is the hard part. Keep working out, keep walking, never give up.

From: Jennefer
Date: 05/25/2009 - 11:16 am

Hey... I completely agree with all you've said. When I was in my teens I was always a medium, and my mum also used to make me feel bad about my thicker thighs and butt. I always felt fat, but now when I look back at the pictures, I realize i was really stupid for thinking i was fat. THe past 2 years I gained weight like crazy, and I'm now at 82 kilo's. I used to be at 62 Kilo's. I never used to eat much when i was younger, and could do for 3 months without anything other then water, without any complications. And i didnt even try to "not eat" i just didnt have the time. But when I started dating this guy,, I started to eat more regularly and my body held up to everything. I set myself up for terrible weight gain, and since his mother likes to cook fattening stuff (mac and cheese, chicken, rice, lots of gravy, so on) it didnt really help the past two years when I go there on sundays to join the family meals. I hate looking in the mirror, i dont even recognize myself. My overweight mother makes me feel horrible, always telling me i am fat, and that i should stop eating, but when I am there, always shoves cakes and fattening stuff in my face.

I know how you feel, and it sucks. I recently joined a gym (one of the many i have tried), and hope it works. I lost my job so i am not sure how i'll be able to pay for it next month, but i am going to continue trying to lose weight. So maybe, just maybe, i can go shopping again and get out of these shapeless shirts and baggy pants LOL :)

I wish you all the best, hope things work out for you!

From: Erin E.
Date: 05/06/2009 - 03:24 pm

PlainJane-- I can definitely relate to your story. I get so depressed when I go shopping, though I've managed to find a few stores that carry cute things in a size 16. One of them is Torrid-- some of their clothes are punk rock awful, but they do carry some amazing (normal/cute looking) jeans, tank tops, sweaters, etc. Avenue has a few things here and there, but because I'm 25, many of their prints make me feel frumpy.

With regard to losing weight, remember that it's the little steps that count. I have struggled with my weight since I was 13, which is when I got the whooping cough. I had to take Cortizone and Prednisone for a year, and for about 5 months I could do little more than walk from one room to another to avoid an "attack." The anxiety from these inevitable attacks, many of which I passed out from, resulted in being put on anti-anxiety medications. None of these things helped w/ my weight, and I started high school a 5'7" size 16. I dropped some weight my frosh year and joined the cheering team, but by my junior year the constant yo-yo of weight lose/gain and the pressure to be thin resulted in bulimia. Long story short, it's been a long road. At one point, I battled a 6 month addiction to meth because I wanted to be thin without worrying about every bite I ate, and working out for hours on end. I've been my "ideal" weight three times since graduating from high school-- each of those times lasted a short time before I gained it all back, and more. Though I know a lot about nutrition (eating disorder hospital for three months, college nutrition classes, etc.) living a busy life makes it difficult to use that knowledge in every day life. I am sure that you are extremely busy, and I can relate to that as I am currently finishing up my bachelor's, and working 3/4 time. Battling mental health issues makes it all the more difficult (I have bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and AD/HD).

Two months ago, I was so sick of trying to figure it out on my own that I decided to join a medical weight loss center. Where I live, there is one called Monarch http://www.monarchmedical.net/index.php. I have to drive 15 minutes to get there, but it's been more than worth it. Everyone on staff has been through the program, and they are all so welcoming and helpful. The doctors don't make you feel badly about yourself, like you're weak or defective. The greatest thing is that they have food there, which works for my lifestyle. You eat at least 6 times a day, and each meal is a no-brainer. Dinner is the only meal that you make on your own, and they help you every step of the way w/ that. They do have other programs where you do more, or all, of your meals on your own, but I opted for this method b/c it's actually less expensive than buying groceries, and I didn't want to have to think about what to make all of the time. They measure everything from body fat to lean muscle mass, making sure that you lose the right things and not the wrong things. Since starting their program, my BMI has gone down 2 points, and I have lost almost 20 lbs. I get Vitamin B shots every week (through them) to keep my energy up, and they make sure you're taking the right vitamins, etc. It feels like such an all-around HEALTHY thing to do for myself. If you want to know more about this, please feel free to email me. It sounds like you've been down a tough road, and they really make it easy to find the right path again.

I wish you all the best in losing weight the healthy way. Baby steps are big steps when it comes to weight loss and lifestyle change. Remember that you are, as others have said, a wonderful person no matter what you way. :-)

-E