Confessions from the Plus-sized department
Ok, is it just me? Or do plus-sized departments just plain suck? Why is it impossible to find anything nice that doesn't scream stripper (ummm yeah size 22 should NOT come in skimpy styles...) or only look like the little suits with jackets that my grandma would wear. I went to JCPenney and they have about 16 small racks for the plus sized, most in awful colors. Which is how I found my uniform of SJB t-shirts and jeans or capris depending on the season. Nothing says frumpy fat like your never ending supply of shapeless t-shirts and jeans....
I am a mommy of 2 and after each I put on weight. Honestly I hate my body so much that I avoid looking at it unless it is unavoidable. I remember thinking 145 on an athletic 5'9" frame was fat, but with spiraling PPD after each child I ate my way through the isolation and here I am...a HALF POUND from 250! I about croaked when I stepped on the scale.
Ok. A Little background for you here: I grew up in a rural area with an obese mom, and my dad was thin until he hit thirty and slowly put on the weight. The worse thing was that we didn't have to eat veggies...I was allowed to eat a box of rice-a-roni for every meal and my brother ate fruit rollups and mt. dew for breakfast. But I was relatively thin through school since I was obsessive about swimming, working out for 6 + hours most days so I could eat what I wanted. My mom made fun of me when I was bending over getting ready to dive into the pool that I had rolls of fat and it set me off...I stopped eating anything but some carbs to get me through practice...I would hide out during lunch so I wouldn't be tempted to eat. What was really going on was that I was setting myself up for horrible eating habits. More about that later.
So I feel like a second class citizen when I enter most places for clothes. Most of the clothes I don't care for, but my biggest issue is the disdain I feel from most of the skinny clerks. I hate the way I look. This isn't me, but sometimes I don't know how to change. Do I get to be the fat gross lady or skinny starving one. I never had the happy medium really. I hate my fat mom making fun of my size and always inquiring how big I am to judge if I finally surpassed her girth. No, mom, you still hold the prize.c
I just wanted to start off this diary chronicling my struggle to lose this weight and hopefully find some support from someone out there. My goal: is to drop ideally 100 pounds, but 80 would make me very happy. Most important goal is to run again. I want to do a tri and a marathon. I know I can do it, but it will take time and lots of support.
Oh yeah...support from doctors: Haven't gotten too much. I went and begged for help with a diet and I was told to check out the weight loss books in the book store, and another told me to stop shoving food down my throat.
My obstacles are that I am OCD and easily fall into depression and depression is the root of eating brownie batter.
I am currently at 249.5 pounds...I want to be under 164 for a normal BMI.
Goal to lose 85.5 pounds and gain strength and self confidence. Side benefits: show my girls to be PROUD of their bodies and eat right. Bonus: in our money crunch this has GOT to be good for the finances to buy less junk.
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Date: 03/17/2009 - 10:11 pm
Darlin, I had a Dr who put me on med's that made me gain 100pd in 1yr. At 5'4, a local sports model, who played basketball and volleyball in high school, I asked to get off the med, (Depokote). He said that it was the only one I could take since Lithiem didn't work for me. I hardly ate anything and still gained weight. 12y later, I am still trying to lose that weight and I hate shopping at plus size dept. who have skinny thangs looking at me like I am a sorry excuse for a woman. I have had people do some really mean things to me and while I am at a resturant too. They all think they can tempt me into buying a dessert. Right.
Right, now I have lost a total of 30pds and need to lose at least 80 more if I ever want to date again. Haven't dated in 12 yrs! I'm almost 40 and want to lose this before I turn that big 40 in 11 months. I will pray for you and for all who need and want to lose this weight. I want to be proud to walk into a room, I want to feel sexy again, I want to see that man look stare at me again, Hell, I want to have sex again.I want to be able to walk into any store and find my size, I want to have kids, if it is not too late. But I want to feel healthy again and have confidence again in how I look. I used to be able to get any job I wanted and I was a local model who didn't threaten the women I was selling products to. I have a nice personality and I want people to know me, as me not as that fat, single, not a mom, hopeless woman. Yeah, I do missionary work and that's great but I want to feel good again.
Date: 03/17/2009 - 07:06 pm
My name is Robin im 5'10 and weigh 219lbs.I wake in the morning with back and leg PAIN everyday.I can feel for people that are on the heavy side.It's hard for me to find anybody too HELP,I really don't have anyone to help or incourage me.
Date: 03/17/2009 - 03:43 pm
I read your message.....I think you sound like a great person and you ARE worthy....
Date: 03/06/2009 - 09:23 pm
Oh, do I know how you feel. I gained 100 pounds with my last child. I am bi-polar with more depression than manic episodes, so eating "comfort" foods is something I am familar with. Now, I am facing having to wear a home-made wedding dress, instead of this gorgeous gown from David's Bridal. (who only carries up to a 26W). Avenue, is a great place to find cute and even sexy clothes size 14W-32W. Most of my clothes are from there even though, the prices are somewhat higher than I'd like, at least I don't look like a granny.
Date: 03/03/2009 - 08:24 pm
Hang in there. I am at 248 presently, down from the 251 I was but still 100 lbs. over. I to want to be in a normal BMI and become a good example for my children. I recently gave up all soft drinks and candy bars-two of my biggest addictions. This happened after I had a very bad case of intestinal virus and could only have clear liquids. I decided that I would take it one day at a time and see how long I could stay off the drinks and candy bars. It has been 12 days so far. I am also trying to play outside with my children for a little each day and just keeping moving. It's hard but nothing worthwhile is ever going to be easy. Don't let other people get you down and remember true friends don't try to tempt you into getting bigger-one small bite won't hurt (yeah-sure; isn't that how it all started to begin with.) As for sales clerks and stores with muumuus for the big woman ignore them and give your business to some one who will take interest in your style. I will never forget an incidence that happened 20 years ago and this was when I was only 30 or 40 lbs. overweight. I found a dress I liked and went into the changing room to try it on and heard the sales lady say that no matter what I tried on I would still look and be fat. When I went out and asked her opinion of how I looked-she told me how great the dress looked on me. Needless to say, I told her that I didn't really think the dress did anything for me and that one should be careful not to be overheard when trying to make a sale. A person never knows what goals they can attain until they have tried. I wish you all the best.