Confessions from the Plus-sized department
Ok, is it just me? Or do plus-sized departments just plain suck? Why is it impossible to find anything nice that doesn't scream stripper (ummm yeah size 22 should NOT come in skimpy styles...) or only look like the little suits with jackets that my grandma would wear. I went to JCPenney and they have about 16 small racks for the plus sized, most in awful colors. Which is how I found my uniform of SJB t-shirts and jeans or capris depending on the season. Nothing says frumpy fat like your never ending supply of shapeless t-shirts and jeans....
I am a mommy of 2 and after each I put on weight. Honestly I hate my body so much that I avoid looking at it unless it is unavoidable. I remember thinking 145 on an athletic 5'9" frame was fat, but with spiraling PPD after each child I ate my way through the isolation and here I am...a HALF POUND from 250! I about croaked when I stepped on the scale.
Ok. A Little background for you here: I grew up in a rural area with an obese mom, and my dad was thin until he hit thirty and slowly put on the weight. The worse thing was that we didn't have to eat veggies...I was allowed to eat a box of rice-a-roni for every meal and my brother ate fruit rollups and mt. dew for breakfast. But I was relatively thin through school since I was obsessive about swimming, working out for 6 + hours most days so I could eat what I wanted. My mom made fun of me when I was bending over getting ready to dive into the pool that I had rolls of fat and it set me off...I stopped eating anything but some carbs to get me through practice...I would hide out during lunch so I wouldn't be tempted to eat. What was really going on was that I was setting myself up for horrible eating habits. More about that later.
So I feel like a second class citizen when I enter most places for clothes. Most of the clothes I don't care for, but my biggest issue is the disdain I feel from most of the skinny clerks. I hate the way I look. This isn't me, but sometimes I don't know how to change. Do I get to be the fat gross lady or skinny starving one. I never had the happy medium really. I hate my fat mom making fun of my size and always inquiring how big I am to judge if I finally surpassed her girth. No, mom, you still hold the prize.c
I just wanted to start off this diary chronicling my struggle to lose this weight and hopefully find some support from someone out there. My goal: is to drop ideally 100 pounds, but 80 would make me very happy. Most important goal is to run again. I want to do a tri and a marathon. I know I can do it, but it will take time and lots of support.
Oh yeah...support from doctors: Haven't gotten too much. I went and begged for help with a diet and I was told to check out the weight loss books in the book store, and another told me to stop shoving food down my throat.
My obstacles are that I am OCD and easily fall into depression and depression is the root of eating brownie batter.
I am currently at 249.5 pounds...I want to be under 164 for a normal BMI.
Goal to lose 85.5 pounds and gain strength and self confidence. Side benefits: show my girls to be PROUD of their bodies and eat right. Bonus: in our money crunch this has GOT to be good for the finances to buy less junk.
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Comments
Date: 03/03/2009 - 11:14 am
Hi hunny...I am with you with the crappy plus size departments...here is what I learned don't go to them stick to the stores that cater only to big beautiful women like us...Torrid is one of my favs its totally sexy and not at all skimpy some of the dresses are out there but they have a good selection on everything from goth to traditional busness attire. It moved from my local mall but I go online to www.torrid.com. I am learning to love myself no matter what the scale dictates. I am ocd too one product I have found is glucose health it helps regulates my blood sugar to keep those cravings in check from www.pwilliams16.qhealthzone.com . Anyway good luck and keep marching on we all need all the support we can get. Christina
Date: 03/02/2009 - 07:46 pm
I lost 50 pounds going to weight watchers the meetings were helpful and very supportive. I never felt as though I were alone as their were others there just like us. It is not an easy thing to do but just start one day at a time and don't beat yourself up if you don't succeed right away, remember the weight came on slowly so it is going to take time to get it off. Perhaps you could check with a local gym or ymca for aqua aerobic classes seeing how you use to love swimming (it also helped me). Try to make health sensible foods for you and your family and change your lifestyle to try to avoid the eating binges, such as no food in living room or any other room except for the kitchen little things like that.
Next try the Fashion Bug and Dress Barn for stylish clothes in the plus size and while there look over at the misses and tell yourself one day soon I will be on that side buying my clothes.
Good luck it is a hard road but a worhwhile one for you well being.
Date: 03/02/2009 - 01:03 pm
Hey, please don't give up! When we fall we must get back up and try again. Nothing beats a failure but a try! You have to stop looking at the past mistakes and work for today. So what you had too much carrot cake that was your birthday and if you keep living you will have another one. Its over move on start new right now. As of the rest of today make better choices. Chose to live feel and eat healthier. I always say it ain't easy i just make it look that way and so can you. you owe it to yourself to be the best you can be and that includes making mistskes admitting them forgiving yourself and trying to do better next time!!!!!!!!!!
Date: 03/02/2009 - 12:56 pm
hi plainjane
I am just going to get right to the point! You have got to stop being so hard on yourself, you need to love who you are where you are now. If you can't see how beautiful smart and worthy you are now losing the weight won't change how you feel emotionally which is why you are overweight now. Love yourself first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have to take one day at a time and do the right thing that day and worry about tommorrow when it comes. It wasn't easy putting that weight on and it AIN"T going to be easy taking it off! Be patient and try not to set unreasonable goals too fast, keep in mind one pound this week and two pounds next week and so on adds up to weight lose in a month one pound at a time. I didn't introduce myself cause i got so angry reading your blog i wanted to comment right away but as you guessed i am new here my name is jacaueline and i have lost over 100 pounds but more on that later you will read about me here real soon. just love yourself cause nobody will take better care of you than you!!!!!!!!!
Date: 03/02/2009 - 11:36 am
Check out Roaman's mail order catalog. Lately, they have some really fasionable styles and colors. I am tall and big so I have the added problem of getting pants long enough. Mailorder is the only place where I can get anything that fits and have been very happy with Woman Within and Roamans. The added benefit is not dealing with sales clerks that can be so rude these days. Who needs that.
The only irritating thing is that if you call in an order they are always trying to get you to subscribe to something or suggesting other things to buy but no still works so stay away from the department stores. That can be a depressing outing. Use the extra time to walk to a few other stores without moving your car. The exercise will do you good and maybe you will visit a bookstore and pick up a good book to read instead of looking for clothes that don't fit.