Confessions from the Plus-sized department

Jan 23, 2009

Ok, is it just me? Or do plus-sized departments just plain suck? Why is it impossible to find anything nice that doesn't scream stripper (ummm yeah size 22 should NOT come in skimpy styles...) or only look like the little suits with jackets that my grandma would wear. I went to JCPenney and they have about 16 small racks for the plus sized, most in awful colors. Which is how I found my uniform of SJB t-shirts and jeans or capris depending on the season. Nothing says frumpy fat like your never ending supply of shapeless t-shirts and jeans....

I am a mommy of 2 and after each I put on weight. Honestly I hate my body so much that I avoid looking at it unless it is unavoidable. I remember thinking 145 on an athletic 5'9" frame was fat, but with spiraling PPD after each child I ate my way through the isolation and here I am...a HALF POUND from 250! I about croaked when I stepped on the scale.

Ok. A Little background for you here: I grew up in a rural area with an obese mom, and my dad was thin until he hit thirty and slowly put on the weight. The worse thing was that we didn't have to eat veggies...I was allowed to eat a box of rice-a-roni for every meal and my brother ate fruit rollups and mt. dew for breakfast. But I was relatively thin through school since I was obsessive about swimming, working out for 6 + hours most days so I could eat what I wanted. My mom made fun of me when I was bending over getting ready to dive into the pool that I had rolls of fat and it set me off...I stopped eating anything but some carbs to get me through practice...I would hide out during lunch so I wouldn't be tempted to eat. What was really going on was that I was setting myself up for horrible eating habits. More about that later.

So I feel like a second class citizen when I enter most places for clothes. Most of the clothes I don't care for, but my biggest issue is the disdain I feel from most of the skinny clerks. I hate the way I look. This isn't me, but sometimes I don't know how to change. Do I get to be the fat gross lady or skinny starving one. I never had the happy medium really. I hate my fat mom making fun of my size and always inquiring how big I am to judge if I finally surpassed her girth. No, mom, you still hold the prize.c

I just wanted to start off this diary chronicling my struggle to lose this weight and hopefully find some support from someone out there. My goal: is to drop ideally 100 pounds, but 80 would make me very happy. Most important goal is to run again. I want to do a tri and a marathon. I know I can do it, but it will take time and lots of support.

Oh yeah...support from doctors: Haven't gotten too much. I went and begged for help with a diet and I was told to check out the weight loss books in the book store, and another told me to stop shoving food down my throat.

My obstacles are that I am OCD and easily fall into depression and depression is the root of eating brownie batter.

I am currently at 249.5 pounds...I want to be under 164 for a normal BMI.

Goal to lose 85.5 pounds and gain strength and self confidence. Side benefits: show my girls to be PROUD of their bodies and eat right. Bonus: in our money crunch this has GOT to be good for the finances to buy less junk.

Comments

From: Anonymous.Poster
Date: 02/27/2009 - 11:41 am

You and I sound exactly alike. I'm in the same predicament. Last year I thought I had decided to do something about this year was going to be different. I started counting calories and walking, then on my birthday which is the 23rd I was given a birthday party with a 10 pound carrot cake with cream cheese icing. I haven't dieted since. I'm like an alcoholic with sugar and I just never have been able to get past it.

I wish you well with the support you find here, I really would love to know you made it. I'm too tired of it to try anymore.

From: Bunny
Date: 02/26/2009 - 09:23 pm

Dear plainjane, I want you to have my email address: bunnym58@neo.rr.com

From: Bunny
Date: 02/26/2009 - 09:20 pm

Please post my email

From: Bunny
Date: 02/26/2009 - 09:17 pm

Honey,
I just read your post and the first thing I'd like to tell you is, those people you went to either don't care about people or just plain cruel. You have a heart and I'd say a very gentle one. That right there is a gift. You feel. There are many cruel people in this world and noone can help you if they don't care. You said you are 22yrs. old. Your very young yet. I am a 54yr old woman and have learned since being young myself at one time we have to start from the inside as far as the way we look at ourselves. Whenever I've been unhappy about looks or anything to do with me, I took paper and pen. I looked at myself from the inside first because I believe if you feel better inside you will be able to work on the outside. try writing down your qualities, remember, you DO have qualities. On other side of paper write down what you want to change. Not all of those skinny women look that great when you get to know them. Some are stuckup, some aren't but beauty still starts on the inside. I had a friend who was shorter than me. I'm 5'2". she was overweight and down on herself. I made her look in the mirror and pointed out her features and she picked her favorite, then I put a little makeupon her to highlight best features and enhance her other ones, then we went with the hair and fixed it (It was really dark) by adding highlights. This gave her confidence and then she started going to thrift shops and pick an outfit, then would by 1 size smaller than she wore. Slowly but surely she lost weight and buying 1 outfit a month smaller than the last helped her to want to lose that weight. I knew a girl that lost 15lbs in 2 weeks by eating lots of plain popcorn and greapfruit. During that 2 weeks she made sure she also had some treats she liked like a bowl of ice cream or a couple candy bars. Don't be too hard on yourself. If you slide back, don't kick yourself over it, just get back on track. I'm having 1 heck of a time with smoking and sometimes smoke more than my usual but have learned the more frustrated I get, the more I'll smoke. Do you like fruits & vegetables? try them and also, if you can eat salads or just lettuce, vinegar burns calories. try to drink lots of water. I heard if you can drink a large glass of water before eating ,you'll eat less. I have hard time, not drinking enough water but remember my mom saying if you set a big glass besides you, you will drink it and get in the habit. I don't know you but think you are a beautiful woman. Your mom I am sure has had a part in your lack of confidence. Mine did the same to me in other ways. If there is any other way I can help ,please email me and put in subject line a reminder from lady with 2 children. I myself would love to get to know you and mabe you could give me some advise on my smoking. We could help eachother. I'd love to know more about you, your 2 children etc. and tell you more about me. i'm not religious but spiritual with a kind loving heart that loves people . I do prayer requests for others over the net and love to share jokes, stories etc. I sure hope to hear from you honey. I have 3 grown sons, all in their 30's, and 2 grandchildren. You take care and Bless Your heart, Bunny

From: Anonymous.Poster
Date: 02/23/2009 - 09:47 am

Hi Everyone,

I love hearing your stories, I highly recommend, www.fashionbug.com if there isn't a store near you, they have half the store plus size, and the other side of the store woman/juniors, cute plus size clothes, and swimsuits etc.. I found that store to be the best and the employee's are usually plus size woman, it is so nice.

I just recently found this site, and love it. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm always looking for great tips :)