How Bea Arthur Helped My Body Image

Apr 28, 2009

Golden Girls star Bea Arthur recently passed away, and the news, delivered over a champagne-and-sticky bun Sunday brunch, saddened me. Not because I was a card-carrying member of the Golden Girls Fan Club (though I do have a discreet “Blanche Devereaux Rocks” tattoo on my lower back), but because I’ve long felt a strange bond with Bea. Let me explain.

As a tall girl growing up, I often felt much…bigger. Bigger than the other girls, bigger than the boys, too big for tapered Guess jeans or cheerleading uniforms. And for some bizarre, warped reason, I always identified with Bea. I thought I looked like her. She was tall and slightly manly looking and when I watched her sipping coffee in her Florida kitchen, chastising Rose (who I now realize I am so like, it’s scary) for making some inane St. Olaf remark, I thought, “That’s what I look like. I’m going to wear shoulder pads and floor length caftans and look like Bea Arthur when I grow up.” I am not fabricating this – ask my mom or my husband. Of course, I could have looked to any number of tall actresses or models. Cindy Crawford, maybe? But my sweet little lost mind chose Bea.

I’m not alone in my Tall=Big Girl Syndrome. Recently reading an interview with my Girl Crush, Blake Lively in Allure, I was shocked (but strangely relieved) when she admitted, ““I feel like a tranny a lot of the time. I don’t know, I’m ... large? They put me in six-inch heels, and I tower over every man. I’ve got this long hair and lots of clothes and makeup on. I just feel really big a lot of the time, and I’m surrounded by a lot of tiny people. I feel like a man sometimes.”

Mind you, she looks like this. IE Not manly.

And now we have former model and current First Lady of France Carla Bruni-Sarkozy suddenly wearing flats everywhere she goes...her heels have suddenly disappeared, coinciding with her marriage to a man a few inches shorter than her tall self.

As I’ve gotten older, I have totally and completely embraced my height. I wear high, high heels at night, frequently surpassing 6’1”. I love it. Being tall has made me feel strong and confident and powerful. But there has always been than glimmer of feeling manly, a little hulking. There have even been a few times when I've been checking out at a store and the cashier will say, "Is that all, Miss?" (OK, lately it's "M''am" ) and I, for a split second, think, "Oh, they know I'm a woman." Trust me, my therapist has a field day with this anecdote. Typing it out maks me see even more clearly how absolutely ridiculous it sounds. Still, Bea’s death brought these feeling up anew and I just wanted to get them out here. Because, you know, her passing should be all about me.

PS Enjoy Bea in this hilarious Sex and the City parody, (scroll down to #9) featuring Sally Struthers, Mrs. Garrett and Mona from Who’s The Boss! In retrospect, I now realize Bea was totally the original Carrie Bradshaw (and Blanche was Samantha; Rose was Charlotte and Ma was Miranda). Enjoy!

Comments

From: AnnaCorrinna
Date: 11/30/2009 - 09:02 pm

Hi,

I'm Ann, I'm 38 old, I work in a medicalised french rest house. it's nice to come with you and I'd tried to wite in english

regards,

Ann :: maison de retraite

From: Therese
Date: 06/28/2009 - 09:34 pm

I'm 5' 6" and I've been the same height since I was about ten years old. I got used to everybody telling me I was going to be tall and thin.

Well, here I am. Not tall, not thin. I get complimented on my hourglass figure, and people tell me I look like Marilyn Monroe. When all I want is to look like Bea Arthur! I'm not kidding.

I'm only sixteen, so I'm hoping I will reach at least 5' 7". I'm way too short. You are all so lucky!

From: Anonymous.Poster
Date: 05/01/2009 - 07:07 am

my best friend is 6' and i'm 5'2" - she says that i help her feel "short". i always wanted to be tall, for volleyball and so that my feet could touch the ground when riding my bike. and i get tired of using a stepstool all the time. i guess nobody is ever 100% satisfied.

From: T
Date: 04/29/2009 - 12:22 pm

i'm not that tall, considering (5'9"), but i'm proud of my height. i've run into a few problems while dating because i definitely like to wear heels that make me taller. luckily, however, brandon (same height as i am, but looks shorter sometimes because he's mr. slouchypants) has no problems when i wear heels and become an inch or two taller. :)

also, "golden girls" rocked.

From: Robinjs03
Date: 04/29/2009 - 11:32 am

Wow, this post definitely hit home! I'm 5'9'' now, which doesn't seem too crazy now that I'm 28 years old, but I sprouted up early and towered over all of my classmates growing up. I hated being tall, equating it with being "big" and would do anything to try to crunch myself to a smaller size. I had terrible posture and my legs and hips even started bowing out because I would try to force myself to sit into one hip to be shorter. To make matters worse, I gravitated away from sports that would have embraced my height like basketball and towards those where being tall was a sin - making gymnastics my one and only love. I constantly tried to compete with girls half my size and defy the odds by being the tall girl in a sport where the general rule of thumb is the smaller you are, the better. I was looking up to girls half my age and size, admiring their tiny little bodies and abhoring my long and tall one. It destroyed what was left of my body image completely during adolescence. I'm pretty sure always feeling "big" and hating that feeling is one of the things that lead to my eventual eating disorder. It took me years to get to the point where I can finally do strength training without fearing that I'm going to be "big". I had this illusion in my head that I could only do cardio to be as thin as possible and because I was tall, putting on any muscle would just make me look big. My husband is about the same height as me, which also contributes towards this feeling of being big and the need to be thing to try to be as small as possible. For some reason there's just something in my head that feels like small = feminine, and big = manly. It's a crazy thought process, but one to this day that I haven't completely been able to kick! It's encouraging to hear that I'm not alone and that so many other women out there feel the same way, even Blake Lively (also my girl crush)!! This post definitely made me feel better, and hopefully I'll be able to wear those heels one day with pride too :)