How Young Is Too Young?

Oct 07, 2009

Over dinner last Tuesday, my friend Beth showed me some pics of her adorable two-year-old niece. This little girl looks like a carbon copy of her mom, aunt and grandma, thanks to a gaggle of uber-strong genes. But among the physical traits this toddler has inherited – curly dark, dark brown hair, big brown eyes, ethereally pale skin – there is one problem feature rearing its stubborn head: A unibrow.

Beth is meticulous about maintaining her appearance and her brows are perpetually groomed to a T, so it’s not like she walks around looking like Bert from Bert and Ernie or anything. But Beth is a grown woman, and grown-woman beauty rituals like waxing, manicures, pedicures, Brazilians, and such are all fair game. Her niece, however, is still young enough to count her age in months. She thinks a dandelion is food and won’t learn how to pee in anything other than a diaper for a while still. The world is pure and innocent to her; to inflict the kind of pain that accompanies an eyebrow wax on her would be horrific. And yet, there it is: A single eyebrow, topping her gorgeous eyes like a thick squirt of mustard dressing up a hot dog. I’m not trying to be cruel – she’s a beautiful little girl and has a loving, emotional, laughter-filled family who worships her. But they also have noticed the eyebrow sitch and are worried. What will happen when other kids start to tease her? (And they will tease her – children make fun of each other for far less offenses than fuller-than-usual eyebrows.)

This hairy situation spring to mind when I read a recent story about the “new milestones” for young girls. Australian researcher Maggie Hamilton , author of What's Happening to our Girls, travels across her country talking about how the sexualization of young girls – which takes place all over, not just Down Under – is paving the way towards earlier-onset sexual behavior, things like sexting and oral sex.

We’ve all read the stories about 10-year-olds getting bikini waxes or preteens wearing thongs with suggestive sayings splayed across the crotch. More recently, Suri Cruise was spotted wearing high heels and Julia Roberts’ little girl was snapped getting a manicure. As the years go on, younger and younger girls are moving towards being mini-grown-ups. But where does one draw the line. Say your daughter gets her period at age 10, as many little girls (young women?) are now experiencing. That means she may have developed pubic hair by age nine. You don’t want her to be embarrassed or humiliated by classmates at, say, a public pool or pool party when they see a few hairs poking out from her swimsuit. On the other hand, you don’t want to expose her at such a tender age to awful pain, let alone the fact that bikini waxes have become so hypersexualized and fetishized that you’d be opening up a whole other Pandora’s Box. You also don’t want her to feel ashamed, like something is wrong with her. So what do you do? Leave it alone? Teach her how to use a razor? Nair? Is taking a blade to her skin or burning the hair off with chemicals better or worse than waxing?

And what about my friend Beth’s niece? If she’s already showing a genetic propensity for thick eyebrows at age 2, the issue’s clearly not going to resolve itself on its own and should only get worse by puberty. Should her parents just play dumb and risk the pain that surely will accompany the first hurtful comment she hears and understands? Or should they be proactive and, if so, what might that entail?

Comments

From: 4everyoung35
Date: 10/09/2009 - 06:18 am

My daughter was only 8 hours old when I started grooming her... Yes, grooming her! I didnt want to be like my parents and think its ok to look like Chaca from land of the lost... I used one of those trimmers and it never hurt her... I use to do it in her sleep, and I am good at what I do so I knew she was in good hands... She is 6 now, and I say honey I am going to do one side and you tellme what you think... So,she looks and says Ahhhhh... do the other.. I said sweetie thats what seperates us from men, we groom! I left it up to her, and she agrees that facial hair is a no-no... I told her that I would pay for laser any time she is ready... My mom left me looking like Burt from sesame street..I had so many people making fun of me when I was little that I did not want this for my baby!!! She is a doll just a lil hairy like her daddy! I am teaching her these things for herselfnot to get a guy, or prep her for womanhood, but so that she knows its important to put your best foot forward where ever you are... I am into all the girly things with her and even my boys they have there brows done and in a very natural way so that it looks like they were born like this... they appreciate this... no wherewolf eyebrows.. Its not what others think that should matter but what we as parents think that matters..about our lil ones... They dont come with a manuals but at least we love our kids enough to care about them and not put our fears on them,likemy mom did, about making me look like a young lady too soon... what we resist persist... I am proud to groom and teach my children about the importance of being clean and well groomed.. ; )

From: Alyssa
Date: 10/08/2009 - 02:17 pm

Well, I have to wonder if subjecting a 2 year-old to the pain of plucking, waxing, threading, etc. her eyebrows is worth it. I tend to think it isn't.
As for manis and pedis and all that, I think it's fine if it's just for fun every once in a while, like at a birthday party. Like bdaiss said, it's like playing dress-up. It's when it becomes "maintenance" for kids that it gets scary.

From: Charlotte Hilton Andersen
Date: 10/07/2009 - 11:08 pm

I come from a very hirsute family so I am well versed in this issue! My youngest sister, bless her heart, is the hairiest of all of us. My mom dealt with the pubes issue by buying her swimsuits with attached skirts or matching board shorts. The unibrow they didn't let her start getting regularly waxed until this year (she's 13) but my mom did kinda pluck it before then. But the worst part is she has a huge patch of really dark hair on her lower back - totally visible in any swimsuit. They've already promised her laser hair removal at 16. And before then? I think they're hoping it will chase the boys away...

From: bdaiss
Date: 10/07/2009 - 01:55 pm

That's a tough one. As the owner of a former unibrow...I'd say the key is keeping presence of mind on the lil' one and her reaction. You never know. It may well be none of her peers really "notice" until jr. high or so. (More unlikely in this day and age, but you never know.) It all depends on whether there are fashion queens in the group with mothers training them to reject such things.

I think the tales of young gals getting bikini waxes and going to the salon all the time are a case of a few outliers getting the media attention. Shows like "Dallas Divas and Daughters" sure don't help. (I have not watched...just saw a commercial.) Ugh. Let your little girl be a little girl. She has plenty of years ahead to torture herself to look "good".

I'm not ready to go back to the middle ages of total "au naturale", but there are some things I'm just not willing to do. For myself, it's not necessary. To "catch" a man? Never. Eyebrow waxes are one thing. Brazilians are a whole 'nother. Maybe I'd feel differently if I lived in a warmer clime. (Did I mention it snowed 10" two days ago?)

And what little girl didn't have play clothes of heels and fancy dresses. And favorite cousins/aunts that would paint their fingernails and let them play with makeup? Some of us were just much more likely to be found up to our elbows in mud than makeup. Heck, we still are. : )

Post new comment