By: Leslie Goldman

Nov 23, 2009

I haven’t yet had the chance to see the movie Precious in the theater, but I’ve seen enough media hype and publicity to know a) what it’s about and b) that I will definitely be buying a ticket before the end of the year. In the Oprah-produced drama, actress newcomer Gabourey Sidibe plays Precious, an obese, illiterate teenager who is sexually, physically and emotionally abused by her mother and raped (and subsequently impregnated by) her father.

In numerous interviews, I’ve read Sidibe talk about her own childhood, which was nothing like that experienced by her heartbreaking, torment-filled character. She was not abused. Communication is not an issue for her. But despite you-go-girl quotes like “[People] try to paint the picture that I was this downtrodden, ugly girl who was unpopular in school and in life, and then I got this role and now I’m awesome. But the truth is that I’ve been awesome, and then I got this role”, Sidibe did, like nearly every other woman on the planet, struggle with her body image.

Perhaps this shouldn’t come as a shock. Sidibe weighs about 350 lbs (according to this NYMag article). When she was just 11 years old, her aunt offered to send her on a cruise - if she lost 50 pounds. In this clip, she tells Oprah her first diet started when she was six years old. "I've never been a small girl,” she says. “One day I had to sit down with myself and decide that I loved myself no matter what my body looked like and what other people thought about my body." That day came in her early 20s, when she said she finally became comfortable in her own skin. "I got tired of feeling bad all the time. I got tired of hating myself."

But Sidibe’s strong sense of self is constantly challenged:

“I still hear it from people who don’t know that they’re pretty close to hurting my feelings,” she says, “people who care about me, like this one friend. I was eating a light potato chip, and she eyeballed me like I was the most disgusting thing she’d ever seen. She says, ‘Every time you want to put something disgusting in your mouth, think of the designers who won’t make a dress for you because you’re fat.’ ”

Nice “friend.” I’m not saying that it’s wrong for someone who loves you to let you know if she/he thinks you’re putting your health at risk via smoking/drugs/alcohol/disordered eating behavior, but you have to be kind about it. Have some compassion, you know?

Director Lee Daniels, who basically discovered Sidibe, told NYMag “She is unequivocally comfortable in her body, in a very bizarre way. Either she’s in a state of denial or she’s so elevated that she’s on another level. I had no doubt in my mind that she had four or five boyfriends, easily.”

This backhanded compliment is disturbing in numerous ways. First, he clearly feels it’s abnormal for someone who looks like Sidibe to feel positive about her body. True, in our society, women who weigh 350 lbs are not exactly encouraged to feel good about themselves, but the way he states it, she must be high or deluded if she thinks she looks good. The comment about her having numerous boyfriends also smacks of the whole “fat girls are easy” stereotype. I don’t think he necessarily meant it that way, but it sure sounds like it.

I can’t help but wonder if her newfound stardom will result in her shedding pounds. Not that I necessarily am against her losing weight – I believe that people can healthy at different sizes but she does seem to be at what most medical experts would agree is a dangerously high weight. (This reader comment on HuffPo jumped out at me: “I hear that she's fantastic in the movie, looking forward to seeing her performance. I'm glad that she's happy with herself, but it's not healthy to be so heavy. She doesn't have to be thin, but 100 less lbs on her small frame would do her a world of good. She's young, but in 10 yrs when she's on Lipitor and medicine for diabetes, she will want to rethink her stance.” - msoverall) But I’m not blogging about this with the goal of telling her to change her body – not at all. I think she has much to be proud of with this new role and she’ll likely help encourage a number of young women in dangerous home situations to seek help.

But along with being in the limelight comes pressure to look a certain way. Far more famous celebs in her position have succumbed to the pressure. Queen Latifah dropped weight to become http://www.bfdblog.com/2008/01/22/queen-latifahs-jenny-craig-commercial/ " target=_blank>“a size healthy.”

Mo’nique, a longtime proponent of loving yourself as you are (and who plays Precious’ mom in the movie), recently lost about 40 pounds.

Sherri Shepherd, too. 

(Now that I’ve written it out, an obvious pattern emerges: All of these actresses are black, as is Sidibe. But that’s another topic for another blog…)

Whatever happens, I hope Sidibe never loses her enviable wealth of self-admiration. As she’s said, “I learned to love myself, because I sleep with myself every night and I wake up with myself every morning, and if I don’t like myself, there’s no reason to even live the life. I love the way I look. I’m fine with it. And if my body changes, I’ll be fine with that.”

PS Here’s an example of the RIGHT way to help a friend lose the weight:

(As seen on Oprah.com): Mo'Nique says she decided to start living healthier after a wake-up call from her husband, Sidney Hicks. "I was very comfortable at 262 pounds," she says. "I'm in the bathroom mirror one day admiring 262. And Sid says to me when he comes out of the shower, 'Mama, how much do you weigh?' I said, '262.' And he said, 'Mmm.'"

Mo'Nique says she knew something was coming next. "He said to me in the most gentle, loving way, 'I want you for a lifetime,'" she says. "Baby, I started working out right then."