Would you hire a babysitter with an eating disorder?

Feb 11, 2009

It's ethical dilemma time!. Loyal NeverSayDiet and Weighting Game reader Sonn is asking for help with just this question. She’s looking for someone to watch her two little girls this summer, one of whom is kindergarten-age, the other a preschooler. Sonn’s got a few applicants that she really likes, but while Googling them (don’t you just love the internet? You can actually track your babysitter on Facebook!) and checking their references, she learned that the girl she was most likely to hire was at one time anorexic and bulimic. Here’s where Sonn is struggling:

“She seems like a smart chick, and sweet and kind, and I am really sorry she struggled with an ED. It doesn't make any difference as far as hiring goes, obviously.

BUT

It poses a bit of a tricky situation when it comes to our relationship and how to navigate that, especially the first few meetings. In case you haven't noticed, I'm fat. And not just a little BBW kind of plump, I'm super-sized. So it leaves me wondering: Will my size be a trigger for her? Will just being exposed to me set her off and make her uncomfortable? For many recovering ED chicks, I am literally a walking manifestation of their deepest fears. Will that be the case for her, will she find it too difficult to be in our home because of it? Or on the flip side will she be critical, will she lash out instead? The one morning I leave breakfast dishes in the sink will she think, "A-HA! I always KNEW fat people were lazy!" and declare all her negative suppositions about obesity confirmed? Is it something that I can gently address, or is it still too sensitive a spot? Food becomes an issue, feeding the kids becomes emotionally charged.”

It’s so interesting – this was not at all the issue I thought would be at the top of Sonn’s mind (Though it certainly is valid). I thought she would be more concerned about the babysitter passing on negative body image thoughts and behaviors to her little girls – she may be recovered but what if certain comments slipped out, or the little girls catch her weighing herself or overhear her talking on the phone with a girlfriend, bitching about her muffin top or something?

The thing is (and I know this is a gross overgeneralization, but still), most women with EDs tend to be overachievers, very smart and driven, people-pleasing and detail-oriented. So I would assume this potential candidate would actually make an excellent babysitter from that perspective. (I myself actually took a babysitting course and got certified in CPR when I was a tween. Parents loved me. I loved their stocked pantries and Golden Girls reruns.)

So, what advice to you have for Sonn?

Comments

From: Surreal
Date: 04/08/2009 - 05:22 pm

I had difficulties with ED's as a young adult and have had 9 ED-behavior free years. I don't think working for someone who is overweight will trigger this young woman's ED. The most difficult thing for her will probably be being in a new food environment. She may rise to the challenge or she may find herself binging. It's really hard to say without knowing the young woman and where she is in her recovery. Your kids will notice behavior that's odd for them. If no one in your house abstains from eating a meal, then the babysitter abstaining from a meal will get their attention. Likewise, if no one in your home binges, then the kids will probably notice binging.

I hope this helps you. Good luck, Sonn!

From: Camille
Date: 04/01/2009 - 04:49 pm

I have to agree with some of the previous comment, but want to put in my own little say. I have struggled with ED's for years. The last 4 years, I have been a full time nanny, and actually I wondered myself if that would ever cause any problems. Honestly, it has not only never been an issue, but has helped me recover. I can promise that your sitter would never judge you. The only time I ever had a problem was nannying in a house where there wasn't any healthy food available for me, but I just took it as an opportunity to have a positive lesson with the kids. My boss would buy most of the groceries, but I would take the kids to the store on our time and we would pick out healthy snacks and talk about it. I didn't even mind funding the bill for it. I would also let them pick out a more sugary snack amongst it all, so they had a treat too. It actually helped me apply that and get that balance to my own life, knowing that I was an example and they were watching everything I did. We were also so active that I felt less guilty when I snacked with them. Pretty soon their mom picked up a lot of the habits too, and we would even go walking and played on sports teams together.

Also, since I am aware of the comments I heard growing up were a trigger for my ED's, it made me that much more careful about what I said in front of the kids. I never called myself or anyone else fat, or made any remarks about it. Also I was sure to let them all know that I thought they were perfect just the way they were.

If you interviewed this girl, and she seems to be a good overall person, then I would more than bet that she will have a similar experience. I would give her a chance.

And what was said before is true. She won't judge you. In fact, she is more likely to be accepting of other people's bodies than the majority of the world. It's her own body that she struggles with.

From: Camille
Date: 04/01/2009 - 04:49 pm

If you interviewed this girl, and she seems to be a good overall person, then I would more than bet that she will have a similar experience. I would give her a chance.

And what was said before is true. She won't judge you. In fact, she is more likely to be accepting of other people's bodies than the majority of the world. It's her own body that she struggles with.

From: Anonymous.Poster
Date: 03/25/2009 - 05:49 pm

As a teen I dealt with eating disorders and what the parents of the kids I sat for looked like was never a trigger for me, I must admit part of why I only went so far was that one of the families I sat for was quick to notice and discuss with me when I binged at their house. They worked with me even when they came home one night to a kitchen with only flour left in it and they expressed their anger not at my problem but my not owning up to it so they could be sure they had what they needed in the am.

From: PTC
Date: 02/16/2009 - 08:59 am

I wouldn't worry too much about it. I would just be worried if I thought she would be partaking in her behaviors while she was babysitting. Kids pick up on things.