Full disclosure: I do not watch vampire shows or read vampire books. I have a vague notion of who Robert Pattinson is, simply because he keeps popping up in US Weekly during my Stepmill session. Oh, and yesterday I sat slackjawed as I watched Twilight Saga: New Moon star Kellan Lutz do the most amazing set of push-ups I’ve ever seen on Ellen. (So THAT’S WHY the teenage girls swwon over him!) But aside from that, my vampire pop culture knowledge is nil. I never even watched Buffy. The closest I’ve ever come to even caring about a vampire was in kindergarten, when ***** von ***** taught me my 1, 2, 3s on Sesame Street.

I may be stuck back in 1995 with my Blackberry, but from what I understand, there are about two gazillions apps for the iPhone that let you do everything from drink a pretend beer (iBeer) to fart a fake fart (iFart Mobile) to pop pretend bubble wrap (iBubble Wrap). And while I DO appreciate the ability to turn your phone on while squatting in the Ladies Room and hear rushing water to help your overcome your shy bladder (iPee), nothing can touch the usefulness of iSurgeon, a new iPhone/iPod Touch App that “combines personal image modification with high tech gaming features.”

My friend Debbie recently (and lovingly) coined the term “thankles,” a hybrid reminiscent of cankles but found almost exclusively on babies like her five-month-old daughter, whose sweet, natural baby fat renders her ankles equally as wide in circumference as her thighs.

Demi Moore may have an age-defying face, a hot, young husband and a career most actresses would envy, but there’s one thing missing in this glamazon celeb’s life: A left hip.

The types of things that should bum a five-year-old girl out: -Cable going out during Dora the Explorer’s season premier -The closing down of an American Girl doll store -Being invited to a tea party and finding out it’s BYOC (Bring Your Own Crumpets) The types of things that should not even register on a five-year-old girl’s radar: -Airbrushed models

I’ll never forget back in college, working for University of Wisconsin-Madison’s Student Health Center (I was that girl who sat by the free condom bowl and smiled as you stocked up for the weekend), I was once sitting in a staff meeting with all the head honchos. Doctors, nurses, therapists, administrators. We were strategizing for an upcoming gender rights event and as we sat around a giant oval board room table, I had the floor. For the life of me, I can’t recall what I was pontificating about, but I remember quite clearly saying the following: “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a feminist (said with a bit of a sneer), but I do like it when a guy holds the door open for me.”

I love sushi. I’d eat it every night if I could afford it. Admittedly, I’m extremely (almost embarrassingly) unadventurous, in that I order the most Americanized rolls possible. Sample dialogue: Me: “I’d like a California roll. Is that made with real crab or fake crab?” Waitress: “Oh, don’t worry, we use real crabmeat.” Me: “I’d actually like the chef to use the fake. And a Philly Roll, extra cream cheese. And can you make a veggie roll with carrots, avocado and asparagus? Inside out. And a dirty dry Ketel One martini. Thank you!”

In 2003, when Kate Winslet spoke out about British GQ’s extreme airbrushing of her body for the cover photo, women around the globe cheered and swooned. “The retouching is excessive,” she said. “I do not look like that and more importantly I don’t desire to look like that.” In 2007, she successfully sued a British magazine which had incorrectly stated she had visited a diet doctor. The Titanic star is now back in body image news...

Nearly one year ago today, Barack Obama was elected the 44th President of the United States. The first African-American to hold the office, Obama is a graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law School, has served as a US Senator and leading Chicago community organizer, a civil rights attorney and a professor. He has instilled a sense of hope across the world and has championed change – in health care, peace efforts, environmental repair and more. He just won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Now if only he could gain some weight.

Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham recently revealed that seven days a week, 365 days a year, you can find her huffing and puffing and sweating away the fat at the gym. Her motivation: "I didn't want to rely on retouching," the 35-year-old mother of three told British Harper's Bazaar. We’re left to assume, then, that she actually looks like this, without too much help from digital retouching.